Nothing compares

Hmph.

There’s something wrong with me today

I bid LJ farewell today, but I haven’t told anyone about lah.cc;;  I’m not ready for people to judge my take on school, meh.  Everyone is so judgemental.

Today…  Today I studied.  But tbh, I am utterly taken aback by my inefficiency.  3 hours of studying and I completed 8 math problems.  It’s totally unacceptable, don’t you think?  I think it is.

Uni tomorrow reads a one hour tutorial, short meeting with the prof to collect my paper, and 2 hour lecture.  All with a total of 7 hours of breaks in between.  I hate the timetable terribly, but I intended to go for the whole 830 to 1830 school day.  Then suddenly my mum tempts me with skipping lecture so that my day is shortened by 9 whole hours.  Being the weak ol’ me, I got tempted and started becoming determined to skip the lecture.  Then she starts telling me I shouldn’t be skipping lecture and that skipping lectures will make me do badly.  My mood just snowballed downwards from there.

I’ve skipped alot of classes since school started.  I thought it was okay.  Undoubtedly, there was voice in me saying, ‘No, gillian, this is not right.’  I ignored it.  Last week, I told myself I would stop skipping classes.  I didn’t go to school on Friday.  I know I’m missing out on things.

My lack of self discipline is getting from bad, to worse.  I tell myself I’ll sleep early, I tell myself I won’t skip school, I tell myself I’ll exercise, I tell myself I’ll stop spending so much time on the computer.  I tell myself a lot of things, but they never work out.  I tell myself I’ll mature my faith in God, I’ll do my Bible studies diligently, but I never do.  It never happens.  I just feel myself and my faith faltering.  I’ll feel upset, but I won’t do anything about it.

And I always blame this machine on which my fingers are tapping away.  All the time.  But again, I don’t do anything.  I allow it to suck me into the world of procrastination.

I don’t know, but I think I need to change the way I live my life :/

How I’m going to do it is another question altogether.

You know what?  I’ll probably forget my troubles by tomorrow, and continue living my unproductive live filled with insecurities about myself.